A Grandmother’s Dating Advice

Take it from someone with lots of experience watching my peers and then my children when dating: being the right person is more than half the battle. 

1. Do things in groups. You’ll get to know each other better by watching how he/she treats your friends, family, work-mates, etc.

2. Listen to how he/she talks about others (friends, parents, teachers…). He/she might “clean up” his language when you are the only audience.

3. Look for someone with similar values, whom you can trust. Opposites attract, but look under the surface for real character.

4. Develop your own character. Be friendly to members of the opposite sex. Being the right person is more than half the battle. You are unique; you don’t need a spouse to be “valuable.”

5. Keep yourself sexually pure for your spouse–that is the best gift you can give each other. You don’t have to worry about disease, pregnancy, or guilt. If you’ve already messed up in this area, you can always “start over” today—God loves to give “second chances.” Sex stops communication (see #9), which is deadly to a new relationship.

6. Listen to your parents and grandparents, and at least consider their counsel. They know you well, and are probably smarter than you realize. If your relatives and close friends don’t think this is a good match, you might be playing with fire!

7. Don’t look only for people who are rich and beautiful. Look for kindness, trust and stability. If he/she is loyal, consistent and generous, you will still want to be around this person when he/she is wrinkled and flabby!

8. Think of marriage as a life-long journey with one spouse. Vow to work together to make it work. Marriage is hard, and seems to be harder than ever in these days; but a good marriage starts with a life-long commitment.

9. Take time to get to know each other. You need to spend time together daily for many months, and better yet over a year, to get to know the truth about each other. TALK about everything: roles, future, dreams, differences in your families, kids, money, plans.

10. Get pre-marriage counseling or classes. In the west, churches offer these, but even in China, you can find qualified people who will help you ask the right questions to each other, facilitating a deeper relationship.

11. Be patient, and wait for God’s direction. Only He knows the future; marriage is tough, and you will need His help along the way. If the Bible is true (as I know it to be), then God designed both you and your spouse, and wants you to have a meaningful life together.

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